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The Tentacle


November 23, 2004

Earth Still Rotating, Angryleft Blames Bush

Jason Grabill

In perusing the various and sundry newspapers recently, no one thing in particular jumped out at me as something earth shattering to write about. The world continues spinning on its axis, despite protestations from the angryleft (which I've now decided is one word) that the Republicans are leading us all down the road to death and destruction.

The action in Fallujah cheered me considerably; my first response was "It's about time". Good riddance to the entire nest of yellow jackets in that place.

However, the biggest laugh I got was the reaction by the various handwringers of the Marine with the Marlboro hanging out of his face.

Yes, ladies and gents, the anti-smoking zealots were in an uproar over this young hard charger taking a smoke break. Now, mind you, this Marine wasn't some cubicle dweller having a $4 latte after clacking a keyboard all day long, and decided to smoke a cigarette at the local elementary school playground.

No, he'd been out dispatching this country's enemies to their just reward. That's probably pretty stressful.

The Marine told someone in the press he smokes about three packs a day, and needs more cigs. Why, the tizzy generated was enough to power a small city for at least a week.

Outraged letters to the editor poured in from several, err, I mean, numerous well meaning angrylefties demanding that the young Marine be told to stop smoking, NOW.

And chastising the media for 'glamorizing' war, it's Bush's fault, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum.

Hey, folks, just in case you missed it, Marines have to run a three mile physical fitness test, after doing 100 crunches and at least three 'dead hang' pull-ups. I'd venture to say that most, if not all, of those writers would have difficulty with any part of the test this Marine could pass easily. He'll quit when he gets good and ready, I'm sure.

I also found it funny that a goodly number of 'unattached' females were inquiring about this lads 'availability.' What a hoot. I hope he takes some of them up on the offer. Hey, what the heck, he's young! Let him have some fun. And send him some smokes.

In other tidbits, is it me, or has the letters to the editor section of the Frederick newspaper been taken over by the prolific angryleft typist crowd?

I realize Ms. Deborah Carter, the editorialist, is the grand poobah of socialism and 'We know better than you do" nannystate ideas. But dang, even my two teenage daughters thought she was out there in comparing various lightsaber colors to the evil Republican Party; red, being the party of Darth Vadar; I guess, blue, being the color of truth, light, justice, and Senator Kerry....oops, I mean, Skywalker.

My 15-and 13-year-old daughters came up with what I thought was a great response to that whole argument, which was: "Don't support the blue teletubbie, he's a Democrat!" They giggled for over an hour over that one.

The rest of what they wanted me to write was unprintable in a family website. Sheeesh. Don't forget, Ms. Carter's a teacher, folks. I'd no doubt fail that class, whatever it is.

We sure seem to be importing an awful lot of people from out Takoma Park way to write to us poor rednecks here in Frederick. Lots of hollering and gnashing of teeth about President Bush's war machine (????) by some fellow who says he lives in Frederick, but must not be breathing the same air the rest of us are.

He'd like us to keep our children, and our neighbors children, away from military recruiters. Why, yes, thanks for that sage advice.

The next gang of recruiters I see stomping through the neighborhood looking to Shanghai my kids, I'll be sure to phone the police and hide the young.

No doubt the guy that wrote this probably burned his draft card, or failed to register, because the draft is/was immoral.

"What if they gave a war and no body came?" Now he's against the "Bush War Machine," which would be the All Volunteer Armed Forces.

Hmmmm! Great logic!

Naturally, if Senator Kerry had been elected, then we'd all be encouraged to do our 'patriotic' duty and send our kids to HIS War Machine...I mean, peacekeeping forces. It only makes sense if you eliminate your capacity for rational thought.

Finally, after deciding I didn't have enough stress in my life, I resolved to build a house. I've just started the process, and I feel like I've been put through the ringer already, and no ground is broken yet.

I really wanted to see just how difficult it is in Frederick County these days to get a house built, as a service to the readers of this column. I'll keep you updated.

In the interest of disclosure, the land is family ground, so those who believe me to be a 'man of means' are sadly mistaken.



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