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BY COLUMNISTS

| Joe Charlebois | Guest Columnist | Harry M. Covert | Norman M. Covert | Hayden Duke | Jason Miller | Ken Kellar | Patricia A. Kelly | Edward Lulie III | Tom McLaughlin | Patricia Price | Cindy A. Rose | Richard B. Weldon Jr. | Brooke Winn |

DOCUMENTS


The Tentacle


December 16, 2015

Guns and Fear

Tom McLaughlin

Kuching, Malaysian Borneo – Okay, let's see here, I think I have finally understood those people who love the NRA. For those reading this from afar, that's the National Rifle Association, America's foremost defender of the right for anyone, mentally ill, people on no-fly lists and liberals like me, the right to carry an assault rifle, and the bullets that go with it.

 

I will take myself first. I have no idea about guns. Watching television, I suppose bullets come out of one end and you pull a trigger to make them come out. I take it that some guns make the bullets come out faster than others. I guess it is one way to tenderize the meat, what with all the holes in the deer, moose or whatever else you may be hunting. I can't think there would be much left of a squirrel though.

 

One reason I’m given is to protect the home from kidnappers, who want to seize that half-crazed teenage son or daughter of yours who is high on meth most of the time. Since the only thing you have of value is your gun collection, I would think that is the only thing they would want. Of course, once they had the child they will release him after a few days as they will probably smoke all the drugs you have and probably enjoy being with you. "Money from Daddy" they would slur.

 

The other reason to have a gun is to protect you from the federal or state governments, who want to come and take your land, life or other valuable property.

 

Now, let me get this straight. You believe the federal, state, local law enforcement personnel, or Barney Fife of Mayberry, will come to you house or trailer and take your pot garden or meth lab. Therefore, you need to protect yourself against these heathens even though you voted, if you did vote, for someone to go Washington or wherever, to prevent this from happening.

 

Now, you also believe the Muslims are coming to get you and to shoot your kith and kin. Truth be told, you stand a 99% greater chance of being shot by your deranged neighbor than being killed by a Muslim; but there you go.

 

Let me tell you about a Muslim rally here in Sarawak, which I feel is being repeated throughout the world. You can take my word for it because I watched the all-day event from my balcony, which overlooks the Sarawak River.

 

First, these was a display of six race cars. At least I think they were race cars as they were black, had shiny tail pipes and those steering wheels that looked like doughnuts. They were also hard bittened in that their hood and body work looked like they had been in the tropical sun, like forever, as it they were rusted and the paint, what was left of the paint, puckered.

 

Then there was line dancing. Girls dressed in jeans and headscarves as well as few boys, pranced back and forth to western music. They did this for about half an hour with most getting tired. Then they went home.

 

After evening prayers, at about 7:30, a preacher began loud preaching to an audience of six old men. They would sit there politely and then, one by one, would walk over to the river while the preacher was still ranting. Then, all six of them looked into the river leaving the speaker to empty chairs. I think they were looking at the crocodile that lives under our building. Then they all went home.

 

Meanwhile, the Christmas parade was in progress on the main street in front of our building. Dzul, Suriani and I watched floats, heard singing and other merriment. When the parade was over, we went back to our flat and continued to watch the Muslim events.

 

To entertain the young people, they brought out a band called "Meatballs." I remember the name because they said it about ten times. Then they began playing. The problem was there was nobody, I mean nobody there. They played one set and then quit.

 

And you are afraid of these people?

 

...Life is good. . . . .

 



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