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The Tentacle


December 26, 2014

Christmas Wishes Answered?

Joe Charlebois

Last week, I found this letter on the sidewalk outside the downtown post office. It was starting to rain a little, so I quickly picked it up. The letter had fallen out of its envelope and I couldn’t help but peek at it since it was addressed to Santa Claus.

 

December 19, 2014

 

Mr. Santa Claus

The North Pole

 

Dear Santa,

 

I already sent you a letter for what I want, but I was thinking that there are other people here in Maryland and Washington, D.C., who are truly needy. Santa, if you could find it in your heart to take care of these people, I would be ever so grateful.

 

For our new county executive, Jan Gardner, would you please bring her not only checks but balances, too. Santa, she is having a tough time in controlling her new found power.

 

For our newly elected County Council, please bring them an attorney to defend the legislative side of the county government. You see, Santa, before the election the legislative and executive functions were within one board of commissioners; now that those roles are divided, there is no one to represent the council’s interests. This had made things really messy at Winchester Hall.

 

Santa, our friend Blaine Young needs something to do. It looks as if he may well be out of the planning commission post that his friends appointed him to. He is a little too tall to help run your operations up north with the low ceilings and all, but maybe he could do something down here for you. By the way he wants to know if you would consider painting your sleigh a nice bright bold YELLOW. Whatcha think?

 

For The Frederick News-Post, I was thinking you might bring them some balance, that’s all – just balance.

 

For our departing Gov. Martin O’Malley, I wasn’t sure if he should get anything. After all, Santa, I don’t think he believes in you! He is a lot more like that mean Mr. Grinch than you. He took so much of our money over the last eight years it chased a lot of my friends out of the state. In fact, I’ll bet you he thinks that the government is Santa Claus! He just doesn’t get it, Santa. I know you are a really nice person, so I’ll leave that one up to you.

 

For our Governor-elect Larry Hogan, I was thinking of getting him a map of the entire State of Maryland. When he moves into Government House in Annapolis he can put it up in the wall. Governor O’Malley’s map only has three counties and a city on it. Weird, huh?

 

For the Republican leadership in Washington, it would be really cool if you would get them some B-12 supplements. My mom says that helps with memory loss. I’ve heard that the Republicans have forgotten their role in Congress.

 

Santa, would you get a book for the president? It’s written in a way that anyone can read it. It’s called U.S. Constitution for Dummies. Now I know the president isn’t dumb; but, Santa, I just don’t think he understands it.

Your Friend,

Charlie

 

After reading the letter I looked around to see who may have dropped it. I couldn’t find the owner, so I stuffed it into the envelope, went to the counter, purchased a stamp, and mailed it.

 

Here’s hoping that he got it in time.

 

joe_charlebois@yahoo.com

 



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