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DOCUMENTS


The Tentacle


December 20, 2013

Holiday Communiqués to Consider

Harry M. Covert

As the days slip by in nervous anticipation for the arrival of Christmas morn, greetings by electronic mail and front-door delivery are also appearing, mostly unsigned and incognito.

 

Some have been witty. Some political. Others a bit edgy and political.

 

Sorting the missives has become a daily compilation and intermingled with evening toddies emboldened by various and sundry tastes, not all the dietetic kind. For Heaven's Sakes, it's the Christmas Holidays.

 

"Dear Mr. Reporter, Frederick County deserves some new personalities with the coming change of government structure. A solid present for us good people would be for Patricia Kelly to campaign for county executive. She will be balm for the county's challenges." /s/ A. Jones.

 

Not a bad idea it seems to this space. She has vim and vigor and is a political wizard.

 

Gary from Myersville writes: "I'd like to see Dick Cheney (pronounced Cheeney) come to Frederick and hold classes for political aspirants on how to speak out and mean it."

 

Diane from Woodsboro suggested in an ALL-CAPS note, nominated horseman, hair-stylist and political leader Walter Mills to be named president of the electoral board, "to make certain ballots are counted properly."

 

Seeing the occupier at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue shake hands with a Castro and then kiss the Cuban president's wife on international television caused educator, community college trustee and two-wheel maestro Nick Diaz to consider suggesting English only classes for the city and county schools.

 

Señor Diaz may also ask to ban cigars of all countries and make public and private smoking a felony throughout the county.

 

"Mr. Columnist, when the county changes management style, it should hire a good journalist to be information officer. I will recommend people like Steven Berryman, Patrick Allen, Cliff Cumber, Bethany Rodgers, Bob the Radio Guy and Roy Meachum. “/s/ B. Jones.

 

Many other rants, suggestions and questions slipped in with salutations not considered here. Among them:

 

"The tightwads trying to shirk their duties for the oldsters should select some doctors to help. How about Dr. Keyla Torres and Dr. Harvey Levy?"

 

So, what's the tough problems facing the electeds? Raising money for all the yard signs, advertising letters and brochures and fund-raising lunches, dinners and parties for 2014.

 

"Sir, how do we stop them from using tax money to raise campaign funds?" /s/ C. Jones.

 

The answer is simple. Such things are illegal.

 

"Scribe, how do we stop students from hugging teachers?" /s/ D. Jones.

 

An unsigned handwritten note: "I've benefitted from the food services and other accommodations in the county jail. Since taxpayers have the privilege to pay for them, why doesn't the sheriff have an open house during this holiday period? Invite citizens to come by for Kool-Aid and cookies before the New Year?"

 

To say the least, campaign funds could be used for this but this event would be maligned by the out … and ins.

 

The last communiqué in the pile said:

 

"Merry Christmas one and all. No postage required."

 

hmcovert@gmail.com

 



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