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The Tentacle


August 6, 2012

A Letter to my Editor

Steven R. Berryman

Dear Boss,

 

I am writing to apologize for not submitting my Monday column. Been doing my usual ongoing reading-prep all week as per usual to see what falls into some form of concentrated written thought, but today it’s just not falling into place.

 

Either there’s too much going on, or not enough happening, or the summer doldrums may have eaten my brain. Perhaps all four.

 

A usual jumping off point for a column might have been the Olympics in Berlin. Or is it in England somewhere? All I remember was the smokestacks rising up in some opening ceremony that I accidentally tuned into during my search for evidence of left-wing media bias on NBC.

 

It reminded me of missiles exposing themselves from their own underground silos, as was the launch method preferred by the former Soviet Union. Then came the delusional hospital beds in some strange homage to nationalized healthcare. It just didn’t flow.

 

But then I saw CBS coverage a few days later of swimmer Michael Phelps breaking the total medals in a career award; they included the old footage of him hitting up the old marijuana bong. Nice.

 

At least the Queen was a good sport, what with jumping from the helli (pronounced “hell-ee”) with James Bond and what not. Also, the lift-able Olympic rings under London Bridge were pretty cool, as an engineering feat.

 

I really gave up following anything Olympic – despite cool gymnastics by that girl they call squirrel – when the headline one day was of the “bad”-minton. John Cleese-ish.

 

But, you know, I wanted something political to dig into instead; it could have been 8.3 percent economic statistical news that still managed to get spun into a positive Obama victory by the lame-stream media. But, no!

 

We had to get a fast-food distraction in the form of what somebody from Chick-fil-A feels about same-sex marriage. Why would I care? If I want political commentary from a chicken man, now that old man Perdue is gone, I’d just ask Jay (Doc) Geiser!

 

The other news of the week that fully took the wind out of all other media-sales was the story of WFMD Morning Mayor, and radio man, Bob Millers birthday.

 

Oh, my God. It became a Birthday Week, complete with personal multi-media ads reminding of his big party in celebration in the most ruthlessly-self-promotional fashion!

 

I would never have gotten away with that.

 

Bob got so many Facebook Happy Birthday wishes sent to him electronically that its chairman, Mark Zuckerberg, had to personally call and ask for some of his pixels back.

 

…And all I really wanted was a crisis in the Middle East, or really bad column in The Frederick News-Post to write about. Was that too much to ask?

 

Well, Mr. Editor, I’ll try to get you a column on time next week.

 

’Til then, if Farrell Keough or any of the reliable authors of The Tentacle.com do any writing, please ask them to remind our readers about Saturday August 25, and Debbie William’s + PPFinc’s 7th annual “Family Fundraiser FUNomenon” fast approaching. www.PPFinc.org.

 

Later.

 

srbmgr@gmail.com

 

 

 

 



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