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The Tentacle


October 17, 2011

The 9-9-9-9 Solutions

Steven R. Berryman

Not to be outdone by the godfather of GOP candidates, Herman Cain, who is criticized for his oversimplifications in a “9-9-9” plan to fix America, I have decided to add to his concepts. As you would expect, my plan includes more than one bonus digit!

 

For nine nights now I have tossed and turned in my sleep as “nine-type” solutions came to me seemingly out of nowhere. The numerology was numbing.

 

*Nine should be the number of allowed political parties and candidates for general election cycles; that congress raised the drawbridge in protection of a two-party system has been ruinous.

 

As a function of this:

 

Corporations need only fund lobbying efforts to each party in turn in a 70/30 or 60/40 formula, based upon a “likelihood of winning” risk assessment to retain the “power of the loophole, exemption, and waiver.

 

*The nine percent unemployment rule: Any administration that has allowed the American national rate of unemployment to remain at or above nine percent by the end of their term shall not be allowed the opportunity for “four more years.” The felled president then must wait on the bench for nine years to run again.

 

*Nine years in prison for a sustained charge of dereliction of duty by any member of Congress. Duties in question shall be understood to include the dusty old concept of what I shall call “oversight.”

 

For the benefit of our legislators, especially senior ones, this oversight consists of riding shotgun in protection of the people’s best interests, as opposed to those of special interests, push groups, elites and industrialists.

 

The nine-year penalty shall include ninety-nine hours of forced listening to their campaign speeches. Failing this, ninety-nine hours of State of the Union speeches may be substituted.

 

*A nine percent national sales tax, or “value added tax,” if you will, shall be implemented with the following caveats: The bottom 9 percent of income (non) earners shall pay none of this whatsoever; a special 9999 credit Card shall be issued to these people with biometric ID and means testing a must to qualify. Drug testing, of course.

 

Proceeds from the above tax will be used of repay members of the middle-class in the form of credits for raising children, their education, and will go to families with special needs. This will be accomplished via changes to the income tax tables in favor of the qualifying families.

 

*Nine percent fees on corporate profits from American profits made overseas or off shore. This could be just what we need to bring some jobs home, including heavy industries needed for emergency wartime production should a trade war break out (with China?)

 

Never has our nation been more undermined than in the downside of globalization, shifting jobs out in the same way that Maryland sent many millionaires to other states. Thanks Bill Clinton. Makes one wonder what Hillary would do?

 

*9x will be the maximum multiplier for the salary of corporate CEOs, based upon a formula of multiplying by the 75th percentile above the average salaries offered and paid by said company. Stock options shall be deemed as income.

 

*$99. This is to be the maximum allowed extra rent we will agree to pay for our seat at the table of the United Nations. [over and above the next highest contributor.]

 

*Nine overseas military installations. These will be largely staging operations for emergency contingency operations and the force protection. This will be our maximum total allowed, and that with the consent, not the coercion, of that sovereign nation.

 

Remaining forces can be brought home to help with our national infrastructure, or another productive dual usage.

 

*Nine minutes per day: This will be the minimum mandatory amount of time that all Americans will be required to read current events in a balanced newspaper, perhaps on a rotating basis as there will surely be no agreement on which ones qualify; 99% assured.

 

I am especially proud of this last one, as I am astonished daily by the number of Americans who have been so turned-off and disconnected with the forces tearing our great nation apart that they have tuned-out and given up even following the long march of our national dissolution.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

Related postscript:

 

Ninety-nine percenters of Occupy Wall Street have been sucking up the editorial oxygen of late; violent versions of this movement have been burning Rome, in what hopefully will be the last of their nine lives. Beware the hijackings made possible by the well intended!

 

srbmgr@gmail.com

 



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