An Open Letter to Frederick County Voters
Before the primary, I urged, begged and pleaded with you to vote in the primary. Most of you didn’t listen and I’m more than a little peeved about your wanton disregard of my request.
I guess 75 percent of you were too busy between the hours of 7 A.M. and 8 P.M. to visit your conveniently located polling location. I suppose you were also too busy to vote early at the senior center on Taney Avenue in Frederick, or request an absentee ballot. Sorry, people, but I’m not buying your excuses.
So, we’re going to try a little reverse psychology in preparation for the general election on November 2.
Don’t vote because your vote doesn’t count. It’s just an act of futility to go out and do your so-called civic duty. It’s not like the primary election was decided by less than 10 votes in a couple of the races. I mean, really, who will know if you voted or not? Those “I voted” stickers aren’t a badge of honor or anything.
Plus, it’s a hassle to vote. It takes all of five minutes to enter the polling place, cast your ballot and leave. Those poll workers are so intrusive, too. They want to know your full name and address. Geez, it’s so taxing! I know you are so busy that you can’t spare that much precious time for one day out of the entire year.
Who cares about the future of our county? You shouldn’t vote because it doesn’t really matter what you think. Whoever is elected will just do whatever they want and not care about citizen concerns. Electing someone who will represent you is just a bunch of hogwash.
Don’t learn about the candidates either. I’m looking forward to Frederick County making the headlines again when we elect someone who isn’t really on the ballot, but was on the ballot, but didn’t campaign, but still wants to win. Please help perpetuate Frederick County as the laughing stock of the state. It’s good for tourism!
Base your votes solely on who hands you a slate card as you enter the polling place. Those people really want to win so you should definitely vote for them, regardless of their qualifications.
Don’t get involved by attending candidate meet and greets, displaying yard signs and promoting those you think will serve Frederick County the best. Who needs leadership when times are so great with the county’s budget and the economy as a whole?
Definitely, under no circumstances, do not attend candidate forums, read candidate literature or visit candidate websites. It would be a terrible waste of time to learn about the people who will lead this county for the next four years. If you receive candidate literature in the mail, or on your front porch, immediately place it in the trash can.
Don’t worry about local jobs or economic development or property taxes or any other issue facing Frederick County. I’m sure you enjoy your two-hour commute up and down I-270, so don’t bother voting for someone who wants to make Frederick County more business friendly.
Finally, don’t blame me on November 3 when the candidates you thought should win didn’t come out on top.
If you’re not going to vote, you don’t get a right to complain for the next four years.