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| Joe Charlebois | Guest Columnist | Harry M. Covert | Norman M. Covert | Hayden Duke | Jason Miller | Ken Kellar | Patricia A. Kelly | Edward Lulie III | Tom McLaughlin | Patricia Price | Cindy A. Rose | Richard B. Weldon Jr. | Brooke Winn |

DOCUMENTS


The Tentacle


May 5, 2010

Drama in the Jungle

Tom McLaughlin

Matang Orangutan Rehab Center, Malaysia – The following account is true. The plot was not stolen from the American television program “Glee’ or any daytime drama. Written by long-term wildlife biologist volunteer Leo reviewed and approved by the Sarawak (Malaysia) Forestry Department and directed by an amazing staff of Sarawakian wildlife orang experts.

 

The Cast:

 

The Cuckold George:

 

A male orangutan, in full glory, he had to be moved from another center because of a fight with the resident dominant male, Richie, for the Alpha position. Cuckold George lost an eye in the battle and suffered a broken wrist.

 

The Virgin Catherine:

 

A female orangutan now in the final stages of the rehab program and entering womanhood, she is the heroine of the drama.

 

Aman and Peter:

 

These two male orangutans are the co stars. They are not candidates for release because they have failed their rehab schooling. They will remain at the center and be used to further the gene pool. Scientific term for “you know what.”

 

The Plot:

 

Cuckold George, now living in luxury, needs to be returned to the deep forest that lacks a dominant male. He will assert himself as the supreme ruler. Now living the good life with indoor sleeping quarters and plenty of food served by humans, Cuckold George does not have to build his required two nests, search for meals or sleep in trees. However, he has already had vast experience in jungle living until his forced separation from Ritchie.

 

The Virgin Catherine has rapidly progressed through rehab school with high marks and honors. She will graduate summa cum laude and demonstrates every desire to return to her natural home in the jungle. She received honors in learning to climb, opening coconuts, searching for fruit and eating bugs. Interviewed she stated “I want outta here,” as she eyed the jungle wistfully.

 

Aman and Peter, a couple of lazy louts, are contented to remain on the human welfare system. They show no inclination to return to the jungle and have miserably failed their expensive education. Their only contribution will be to the gene pool, something even the most human welfare oriented government has yet to pay for.

 

The Plan:

 

The Virgin Catherine will be slipped into a cage with either Aman or Peter when she becomes available for breeding. Hopefully, one of the guys will know what to do, but that is currently a subject for debate. When confirmed she is with child, Catherine (no longer the virgin) will be sedated and transported deep into the jungle to begin her new life.

 

She will be observed by volunteers and Ph.D candidates. A cafeteria-like feeding station will be provided for her until she prefers the natural delicious goodies of bugs, grubs and wild jungle fruits.

 

When well adjusted, hopefully in just a few months given her stellar performance in jungle school, a huge cage will be lowered to the jungle floor from a helicopter with a sedated George. Catherine will feed George and, hopefully, she will demonstrate how things are done. Love will blossom. Observers and video camera will monitor their progress.

 

Catherine will try to fool George into thinking the child is his and they will be the beginning of his harem. Hopefully George can’t count the number of months. Then George will be released and Catherine and George will live happily after.

 

If this experiment works, females, already impregnated with other genes, will be added to George’s harem.

 

…Life is good

 

 

[Editor’s Note: Photos of Orangutans from Matang are available on Tom’s Facebook page. (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=1009832855&ref=ts )]

 



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