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DOCUMENTS


The Tentacle


November 12, 2002

Idiots and Insane

Mike Kuster

New Mexicoís constitution, written in 1912, denies "idiots and insane persons" the right to vote. Voters in New Mexico were asked on their ballot if they wanted that part of the constitution removed. Rightly so, they voted to keep idiots from voting.

In 2004, I wish to introduce legislation banning idiots from voting in Maryland. After this yearís election, I am convinced that a large percentage of our population fits this category. In fact, voters throughout Frederick County and the State of Maryland demonstrated a complete lack of cognitive function associated with human consciousness.

Here are four examples of why idiots should be banned from voting in Maryland:

1. Bob Ehrlich elected Governor.

a. I doubt this needs explanation to those of you who are not idiots, but for the rest of you:

i. The man is far right. Heís a Gingrich-ite.

ii. He paid a man to be his running mate!

iii. His running mate has been unemployed for years.

iv. His "plans" to solve our "problems" reflect a lack of knowledge of the most basic foundations of our state government.

2. Alex Mooney elected State Senator.

a. This man has done NOTHING for Frederick County.

b. His methods to re-election include breaking the following laws:

i. Placement of political signs on public property

ii. Trespassing onto private property

iii. Campaign Finance Laws

iv. The Golden Rule

v. Accessory to destruction of property

vi. Slander

c. He raised OVER $800,000 to be re-elected!

i. Imagine what he could do for Frederick County if he put his fund-raising efforts to work for those who put him in office.

3. Mike Cady elected to the Board of County Commissioners!

a. Throw me a bone here, folks. What exactly did you think you were doing in those little blue boxes? I hope you were playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."

b. Have you read this manís campaign literature? AAAAGGGGGHHH!

i. Since when have farmerís been denied the right to operate a business on their farms?

1. Farms are businesses

2. We have quite a few farms operating businesses besides the farm on their property.

ii. Can you solve the traffic and school congestion with

more housing?

1. CADY CAN!

iii. What kind of slogan is Cady Can?

1. I have some campaign literature Iíd like to throw in the Cady Can.

4. Patrick Hogan Elected to the Maryland House of Delegates?

a. I donít know the man, and he sounds good, BUT

b. A 23-year-old fresh out of college! I was young when I first ran for office, but I was not fresh out of college and had over five years of teaching experience when I ran at the age of 25.

c. Isnít there more to consider than the last name of a candidate?

i. By the way, I HATE that campaign song! That annoying voice sticks in your head and haunts you all day long. Thanks to the idiots, I have to hear in four more years!

d. Mr. Hogan beat Dick Zimmerman, a retired Navy pilot and JAG lawyer! Give me a freakingí break!

OK. Now that Iíve typed it out, Iím even angrier. This has got to be ended. Therefore, I shall have Galen Clagett or Rick Weldon (the only two men qualified to sit in Annapolis) introduce the following:

Idiots shall have no rights to vote in any election in the State of Maryland. The status of idiot shall be declared by Michael Kuster or designee after an individual fails to choose the best answer or refuses to read more than headlines.

This shall bring us back into focus.

Of course, I must mention that idiots did make a few good choices. Though apparently by chance, they did get the following correct:

Four excellent candidates were elected to the Board of Education;

Lennie Thompson, Jan Gardner, and Bruce Reeder were re-elected to the Board of County Commissioners;

Rick Weldon and Galen Clagett were elected to the House of Delegates; and

Code Home Rule coded and no one offered life support

Well, we get what we ask for. Instead of just a tax increase, weíll now be taxed on what we earn, what we spend, and at the slot machine.

(Editorís Note: Mr. Kuster is a member of the Frederick County Democratic State Central Committee.)



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