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The Tentacle


February 12, 2010

Mr. Gore’s Victory

Joe Charlebois

Washington, D.C. – Former Vice-President and Nobel Laureate Al Gore announced victory yesterday as dozens of supporters braved the wind, cold and nearly four feet of snow to see the leader of America’s “green” movement speak on the Washington Mall yesterday.

 

Amid ice skaters and snowball battles at the reflecting pond, Mr. Gore called for an end to “green” initiatives. “We have succeeded beyond our wildest expectations! The measures that we have taken as a nation and a world have led to record cold temperatures and record snowfalls!”

 

“There is near-unanimous scientific agreement that our efforts have led to the greatest cooling trend in meteorologically recorded history. These facts are not for debate…a consensus of the world’s greatest climate change experts agree.”

 

After exhorting the crowd to take action in warming the planet once again, Mr. Gore lit the ceremonial bon-fire. He stated, “This bon-fire symbolizes the warmth in our hearts for your efforts over the past decade in bringing the devastation of global warming to a halt.”

 

After several other speakers from various environmental groups spoke in praise of the movement’s unparalleled success, the former vice-president once again took to the microphone and urged the crowd to abandon hybrid technology; encourage government owned car companies to offer sharp discounts on the sales price of large SUV’s; introduce drastic tax cuts to taxpayers and encourage the use of those same tax breaks to purchase durable goods thus returning U.S manufacturers back to full capacity.

 

Mr. Gore clearly happy with the positive results of his decades long struggle quipped: “It’s not gray hair it’s just the snow.” He then waved to the media horde as he hopped into one of four black Chevy Suburbans that carried his entourage to the rally.

 

Among his accomplishments he noted these records:

 

United States

October 2009 (NOAA –State of Climate)

                        Areas of drought at lowest levels in over a decade

                        3rd Coolest October in recorded history

December, 2009 (Denver Examiner)

                        Denver, Colorado, 7th coldest on record

January 4th, 2010 (CNN.com)

                        Burlington, Vermont, 33.1 inches of snow – 24 hrs (record)

            Winter 2009-10

                        Baltimore, MD; Washington, D.C – record winter snowfall

           

Canada

November, 2009 (Weather Channel)

            Whistler, British Columbia – 220 inches of snow (record)

(4 times normal)

December 13th, 2009(Edmonton Sun)

                        Edmonton, -46.1°C (-50.8°F), (record)

            December 13th, 2009 (660news.com)

                        Calgary, -32.4°C (26.3°F)

 

United Kingdom

                        Winter 2009-10 (The Guardian)

                        London, (coldest winter in 30 years)

Spain

                        January 11th (Irish Times)

                        Galicia (northwest Spain) – heaviest snowfall in 25 years

Germany

                        January 11th, 2010 (Irish Times)

                        Northern Germany – 30 cm of snow (record)

                        Baltic Coast – 1 m of snow (record)

 

China

                        January 2010 (timesonline.co.uk)

                        Beijing – 8 inches of snow (deepest since 1951)

temperatures -10°C

 

South Korea

                        January, 2010 (timesonline.co.uk)

Seoul – 10 inches of snow (heaviest since records began in 1937)

 

Japan

December 17th, 2009 (Japan Times)

Tsuruoka, Yamagata Prefecture – 93 cm snow – 24 hrs (record)

Akita, Yamagata Prefecture – 86 cm of snow – 24 hrs (record)

            Memuro, Hokkaido – -25° F (record)

            Sapporo – -7.1°F (record)

            Tokyo – 4.6°F (record)

 

Joe_Charlebois@yahoo.com

 



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