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The Tentacle


October 9, 2002

Wouldn’t it be nice?

Mike Kuster

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go back to the good old days? One of my fellow Tentacle contributors writes this in support of Alex Mooney.

Let’s explore this further. There are many things Alex Mooney would like to go back to.

Wouldn’t it be nice if abortions were illegal? Then, women could sneak off to illegal clinics with unlicensed practitioners to receive abortions, and deaths from botched surgeries would rise.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it were legal to discriminate against gays and lesbians? Then, we could be sure homosexuals had no income, no place to live, no right to government assistance, and no protection under the law from hate crimes. People could just start stoning homosexuals until they either all died or left the country.

Wouldn’t it be nice if stores in Frederick were closed on Sunday? Then, people would be even more stressed by trying to squeeze their shopping in between their two jobs, their children’s activities, and other commitments. People would have even less time to volunteer in their community. People would continue not going to church and not spending quality time with their families. They would just have one less thing to do on Sunday.

Wouldn’t it be nice if every child had two parents to nurture them and teach them? They could learn lots of things from their parents who hate each other. They could learn how to hit each other, scream at each other, throw things at each other, not to trust the opposite sex, and how to become mean and vindictive. They could learn to have secret affairs with your friends spouses and your secretary. That would be GREAT!

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could trust our neighbors enough to leave our doors unlocked? Then, criminals could drive to Frederick County for easy burglaries, rapes, and murders.

And because abortions are illegal, all of the rape victims can have children with these criminals.

And because both parents have to be there to nurture and teach their children, the criminals can marry their victims and raise their children.

Wouldn’t it be nice if children were not taught to be open-minded? Open-minded people would not be accepting differences within society. They would not always be complicating things by trying to make things fair and just for all of society. We could just continue claiming to be Christians while hating, humiliating, and degrading huge swaths of the population.

Wouldn’t it be nice if sex ed were not part of our schools or were abstinence-only based? Then, we could go back to the good old days, like the 1950’s. That’s when teenage pregnancies were highest in our country. That’s when illegal abortions were highest in our country. That’s when everything was perfect: Just the Way Alex Mooney wants it!

The Off-the-World-Right can continue to hope and pray that we return to yesteryear, but the rest of society would like to move on! Progress will not be repealed by the idiots who think things were so much better back when. These people are lying to themselves about the past.

In Frederick County’s past, our prominent and wonderful leaders slept around, lied, cheated, stole, and embezzled all they could. The world was not so rosy!

Take a look around you! Instead of moaning about a few problems, relish in what we have become. The world is a happier and more just place. Yes, we have problems, but going back will not help. We need new ideas. The old ideas brought us to this place you hate!



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