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The Tentacle


July 17, 2002

Being Positively Positive Can Be Positively Absurd

David 'Kip' Koontz

In keeping with the spirit of niceness we are all supposed to undertake, this column will focus only on some of the positive characteristics about candidates running for certain offices this election cycle as well as other positive themes that will make this election positively positive.

Though the names of the candidates may not be mentioned their perky, peppy, positive attributes will.

It is positively positive that out of the 20 candidates running for county commissioner, six are women. Not in proportion to the percent of women to men ratio but a step in the right direction, and that's a positive thing.

Of the men, one is African-American and that is great. Of course, to offset him we have the "former" Grand Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan running, but, on a positive note, he says that "former" is the optimum word.

On an even sunnier note in the commissioner's race, we know that if one candidate wins and meetings start getting rancorous, as they have tended to do, he could entertain the commissioners and the audience by making balloon art. How fun for us all! At least it will be a diversion from all that negativity.

For school board we have 10 candidates of which two are African-American men and four are women.

Let's hope that - on a positive note that with diversity - we elect diversity. Now that would be a very positive thing.

For state delegate, well, heck, we have a lot of positives going on there.

A lesbian is running and that further shows how diverse Frederick really is.

Also, isn't it great we don't have to see or hear the opinions of that gay guy who has run for office in the past, as he isn't running for anything this time?

That alone - probably - made this entire positive campaign worth it!

Anywho, it's great we have an African-American who believes discrimination laws should stop after he is protected. That sets a very positive tone.

We have a candidate who says he has given up his "I wanna shoot them damn liberals" viewpoints and no longer beats up his ex-wife, but that he and his new wife are friends with her! EWWW! Now that's a positive note we need to highlight.

Of course, there are so many candidates running for state delegate it is tough to cram in all their most fabulous attributes, but we should be able to say something about most of them.

The ones we know.

It will be a positive thing getting to know those we do not really know well yet. Meeting new people is a very good thing.

Some of the candidates will actually take the time to research issues and make legitimate statements about why they want to serve the public, and that is positive.

Some actually have experience that might make you think they will do a good job for their constituents, and that is positive, too.

Others have proven they have done a good job for their constituency, and that is very, very positive.

Some candidates have views that might frighten children on Halloween, but, hey, they are participating in the process, and that is positive.

For state senate, now there is a lot of positive things to say about those races, but, simply put, there is an opportunity to replace a really bad senator with another person.

May not be the best alternatives, but at least it's a change and in the long run that is the most positive thing that could happen.

Be that as it may, let's just say it is too bad we can't hire Ethel Merman to lead us all in a round of "Everything's Coming Up Roses" because, hey, in Frederick, it's all good.



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