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DOCUMENTS


The Tentacle


June 27, 2002

Survey Says Doctors Reject Another Hospital Building Program

John W. Ashbury

Frederick Memorial Hospital has been conducting a fund drive for several years now to gather the money necessary for its massive building and expansion program. Recently it was learned that an additional project is on the drawing boards.

It came to our attention that perhaps the view of the medical staff would be pertinent to the situation. The names of the respondents have been removed for obvious reasons.

The dermatologist said the expansion would be rash.

The gastroenterologist said he had a gut feeling that it wouldn't work.

The otolaryngolist (the ear, nose and throat specialists) said: "I hear what you're saying, but the cost would be hard to swallow and we'd pay through the nose for years."

The neurologist said the hospital had a lot of nerve.

The allergist said: "Scratch it."

The orthopedist issued a joint resolution to prevent a knee-jerk reaction.

The pathologist said: "Over my dead body!"

The pediatrician said: "Grow up, the notion is childish."

The psychiatrist said: "In your dreams, you must be crazy."

The cardiologist said the heart of the matter is cash flow.

The obstetrician/gynecologist said: "Who conceived of this project? It's premature and born to fail."

And the podiatrist just took it all in stride.

Of course all of this is fantasy. But our thanks to a recent publication by Bankers Life and Casualty of Chicago for adding a little humor to our day.



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