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DOCUMENTS


The Tentacle


October 29, 2006

A Silver Lining Possibility

Tom McLaughlin

Humor by Tom McLaughlin

According to most opinion polls - and gleeful Democrats, Congress will be defoliated of a Republican majority on November 7. The legislative body likely will be back as a lame duck or cooked goose session to pass bills lingering from the last session.

President Bush will sign stacks of them before the holidays ensuring Christmas presents for the districts of loyal members; a bridge here, a highway there and other pork everywhere.

Most Republicans now concede there will be major losses, but, in some twisted logic, think it will be good for the party. Entering the presidential contest, they dream of Hillary Clinton as the Democrat nominee where, they think, even Mark Foley can beat her.

While hoping Senator Clinton will drown in Whitewater, which will be resurrected for the millionth time, the whirlpool possibly will suck down most of the Democrats in Congress giving rise to a new and invigorated government basking in the glory and sunrise of another Republican era similar to the administration of President Ronald Reagan or Ulysses S. Grant.

To further this concept, Dick Cheney has ordered Halliburton to change its name to Hillary-Burton. They will begin their campaign by opening small offices throughout the Midwest employing unemployed congressmen and senators, poised for the huge Democrat debacle coming in 2008.

President Bush will adopt a cocker spaniel and name it Hillary, winking at Republican supporters the whole time. There will be huge out pouring of false support for Hillary by the Republicans for the nominations. A bill will be introduced in the Boise legislature to rename the state Hillary. A potato will bear her name. North Dakota, (or is it South?) if their is anyone living there, will add her to the Mount Rushmore scene.

Condoleezza Rice will embrace her in a show of feline solidarity while rolling her eyes. Pat Robinson will pray for her to become a fourth member of the trinity. Middletown will become Hillaryville. And Mt. Airy will become Mt. Hillary.

Then, after she gets the nomination, the Republicans figure, an avalanche from all over the nation will turn to their candidate. Tree huggers, immigrant supporters, peace niks, burned out hippies, Al Gore, the union of marijuana smokers, green peacers, tundra lovers, ethanol burners, stem cell murderers, polar bear freaks, wetland fanatics, Ted Kennedy, Freedom for the Homicidal Mentally Ill supporters and other liberal causes will all join the Republican camp in an out pouring against anything Democrat and anything Hillary. Montgomery, Baltimore and Prince Georges counties will unify with the Eastern Shore and Western Maryland in a solid show of crabs and mountain oysters.

For the Republicans who believe in this scenario, "To Dream the Impossible Dream" should be their theme song. For out of the prairie, or the Northeast, or the south, or on a comet, on a spacecraft, beamed down by Scotty, dark horses will emerge.

Into the future with the wind of change at their backs, new heroes will capture the American imagination. Hi Ho Silver, away! Who is this masked man or woman?

God, I hope it's somebody, anybody who is not on the political scene today.



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