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The Tentacle


September 5, 2006

Real Republicans

Chris Patterson

Recently I learned I am a Real Republican in the model of Real Republicans "Cady, Lovell, Jenkins, Shreve and McIntyre." I know this because a mailer I received told me these folks are Real Republicans and then told me what these folks stand for.

Since I stand for those things, too, I've determined I'm a Real Republican, too. Like you, I believe everything I get in the mail from the candidates.

By the way, I'm not trying to be rude when I don't indicate the appropriate first name for these people. It wasn't in the mailer. It didn't say Commissioner, Mr., Mrs. or anything, so I'm not sure even whether they are men or women, not that it matters to me as long as they are Real Republicans.

Okay, I'm just pulling your leg. I know the mailer was referring to Board of Commissioners' Vice-President Mike Cady, Commissioner John Lovell, Republicans Charles Jenkins, Billy Shreve and somebody named "McIntyre."

I tried getting McIntyre's name by checking the Web site that the mailer referred me to: www.frederickrealrepublicans.com, but it doesn't exist. I then tried the same basic address typing .net and .org - just in case there had been a misprint on the mailer. It is with a high degree of certainty that I assure you the www.frederickrealrepublicans.org site is not the Real Site of the Real Republicans.at least I really hope not!

Trying other searches, I learned that the Frederick GOP Web site didn't have McIntyre's info either, at least that was available by clicking on the candidate button.

I eventually found McIntyre's name though. It's Joan McIntyre and she is the chairwoman of the county's Planning Commission. In case you don't know anything about her, she was quoted in the August 10 edition of The Gazette as saying that the New Market area needs more jobs "so everyone in New Market doesn't have to go down the road to work."

It's hard to disagree with that. Certainly the area is going to need a whole heck-of-a-lot-more jobs now that there are going to be a whole heck-of-a-lot-more people living there.

Anyway, on to my current problem. I am wondering what to do now that I know I'm a Real Republican. Should I officially change my party affiliation to Real Republican and is there actually a category for that?

I mean, I feel as though I should be registered that way, but Real Republicans frown on people changing parties and appearing to be Real Republicans but aren't. Former County Commission President David Gray was apparently once a Democrat and is highly suspected of being a Democrat sympathizer. So is current Commission President John L. Thompson. These people, according to the mailer, want to be part of a "Democratic Dream Team."

I wonder which of them said that, or if they both did. The mailer didn't say; but I'm sure one of them must have said it because they used the quote signs (" "), which certainly implies Mr. Gray and/or Mr. Thompson said that.

And I have another question. I noted a very strange thing about the Frederick County Republicans Web site, www.frederickgop.org. Commissioner Thompson is prominently featured on the sight as a Republican commissioner on the board now! And listen, this is stranger still: prominently placed on the candidate page for commissioner is Mr. Gray's picture and some information about him! In fact, he is the only Republican candidate for commissioner in the candidate section of the site.

Wouldn't they only publish stuff about Real Republicans? Clearly that site is not the site of the Real Republicans.

..Well, no matter. I know what I am now and I'll just have to head down to Winchester Hall soon to register as a Real Republican. I believe in the same core values they do, as mentioned in the mailer..values such as "addressing the issues of fixing crowded roads, keeping growth out of the wrong places and bringing high paying jobs to our communities."

Man, I feel so stupid when I think how mistaken I was when I thought Democrats believed in "addressing the issues of fixing crowded roads, keeping growth out of the wrong places and bringing high paying jobs to our communities."

Just goes to show you how mistaken even we Real Republicans can be..



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