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| Patrick W. Allen | Steven R. Berryman | Chris Cavey | Joe Charlebois | Guest Columnist | Harry M. Covert | Norman M. Covert | Patricia A. Kelly | Farrell Keough | Jill King | Earl 'Rocky' Mackintosh | Tom McLaughlin | Roy Meachum | Zachary Peters | Cindy A. Rose | Derek Shackelford | John W. Ashbury | Richard B. Weldon Jr. | Blaine R. Young |

DOCUMENTS


 Re-Elect David Brinkley for Senate


June 2, 2006

Getting Out The Vote, Leftist Style!

Edward Lulie III

Give me your tired, your poor, your criminals, your illegal aliens and the dearly departed as well and we'll let them vote this fall in Maryland. To ensure that what they consider the best possible outcome happens, Democrats here in Maryland have initiated project F.R.A.U.D. (Fall Realignment Allowing Unlimited Democrats).

Keenly aware of the long term political benefits, Maryland Democrats in the General Assembly railroaded through voting changes designed to allow the maximum numbers of imaginary voters (and we do mean imaginary voters) possible to elect only Democrats this fall.

Those bad old days of having Baltimore precincts with their late returns suddenly appearing with near-perfect turnout (even the dead and hospitalized appeared to have voted) are now outmoded and unnecessary.

Baltimore City lost population and voters. Well, worry no more! Under project F.R.A.U.D. the sky is the limit! Reduced numbers of voters can be instantly restored as fast as you can imagine them! And instead of all that hard work hauling the insane and psychotic out to vote just once, now they can vote as many times as your paid workers can forge, ah, excuse me, write their names at the local Mickey D's or Wal-Mart.

Best yet is that the idiotic requirement that a voter actually be eligible to vote is finally gone! Poof! No need to show any ID at all! "Vote Early and Vote Often" should now become the Democratic Party's official motto!

Democrats, ever considerate of criticism from the Republican minority, have bent over backwards to insist that - wink, wink - anyone caught casting multiple votes will be prosecuted.

You can be assured that Democrats will happily prosecute each and every Republican that dares to commit voter fraud and is dumb enough to confess; because under project F.R.A.U.D. there will be no photographic record, or any record at all, of who actually voted, to burden down the judicial system with evidence.

Luckily for Democrats, eager to steal back power the new fangled electronic voting way, the chances of getting prosecuted are far less then the chances of Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich actually having a veto sustained! Best of all, with no record even proving fraud won't overturn the crooked election result; it's just like moving to Chicago!

It's a brave new world, unless some right-wing zealot discontent files a class action suit in federal court. They might try to argue to stop the whole scheme as a fatally flawed attempt to diminish their rights as citizens to vote in a free and "fair" election process.

Spoil sports!

Maybe Republicans will just be too stupid to see that by eliminating requirements for ID and local registration you have cleverly reduced or even eliminated the right of citizens to elect their own representatives. After all, in the socialist world view, Republicans don't deserve to vote. In their view they are all just citizens of the world, right?

To make sure Europeans can get in on the fun, French tourist charters are planning a fall "Elect Socialists!" program where visitors can tour Washington, D.C., in the morning and get to vote for a Democrat at Cracker Barrel for lunch.

It will be a glorious new day for the left in Maryland when project F.R.A.U.D. succeeds. The only possible bar now might be an unlucky trip to the United States Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.

As the most conservative circuit in the country, these judges are always reluctant to upset the rights of government; but even they might notice that this is just a transparent scheme to highjack an election. Yet it only goes to court if someone risks public humiliation at the hands of the Maryland Democratic Party's official attack Dog (Baltimore's largest newspaper) and dares to makes a federal case out of this.

Fears of the right casting multiple votes have been dismissed. Something about "honesty," "legality" and "fairness" lingers to hamstring the ability of most Republicans to adapt to changing political conditions.

Such outdated concerns are removed when you reach the nirvana of progressive socialist thought as you get to go beyond restrictive chains, like reality, to attain the true freedom. Only then can you unflinchingly claim that encouraging massive fraud is improving the system of elections and protecting voter "rights" and smile at the camera as you do it.

Paradise in Maryland may be just a few months away. With Republican voting rights overturned, can property and other rights be far behind? Democrats should then demand that Republicans only be allowed re-entry into the political process and get the right to vote after submitting to extensive political re-education programs and agreeing to simple sensible restrictions barring all speech from the right as "hate" speech.

So, get ready for the fun this fall. Wave goodbye to those nasty Republicans; they are history at last! It is a good thing, too, with that dangerous fellow Steele corrupting the black voter base and showing signs of strength.

Imagine a Black Republican representing Maryland in The United States Senate. No, don't bother to imagine it, for project F.R.A.U.D. will prevent the grim specter of a Senator Steele being sworn in next year.

Meanwhile gleeful and giddy Democrat staffers are busily making promissory down payments on new houses, cars and planning winter cruses in the Caribbean. After all, victory in this fall's election is as close to a sure thing as George Bush getting impeached next January, right?



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