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The Tentacle


May 7, 2006

Meanderings on the Road to Valhalla

Tom McLaughlin

Humor by Tom McLaughlin

"Over the Chesapeake and through Route 70 to Mid-dletown I go, the Rave knows the way to carry the day la, la la!"

I returned to the land of hills and dales to visit my friends and daughter "down in the valley, the valley so low, hang your head hung over, here the wind blow"!

Speaking of wind blowing, the shore feels so much colder than Middletown because the "ocean breezes" so welcome in the summer turn into knife blades when the temperature hovers in the low 30s and upper 20s. I had a return visit in January and it was positively tropical although the thermometer read about 12, but with no wind behind it, a pleasant, crisp day.

I see not much has changed. The 3-2 majority of the Frederick county commissioners is still wrecking havoc with the schools and development urging the populace to build, build and build. It is great for the school trailer industry. I wonder how much stock those three own in mobile classroom factories.

The new Republican mayor joins the ranks of others of his ilk by trying to hire a relative for a position. One begins to wonder why those guys insist on self destruction. They're on their way to the Potomac River via the sewage system and most, hopefully, will be flushed out this November.

As a Democrat, a liberal one at that, some people ask me what the difference is between Martin O'Malley, Doug Duncan and Gov. Robert Ehrlich. I use the following analogy.

If Mr. O'Malley was walking along the beach, he would be singing "By the Maryland's fair city, where the girls are so pretty, I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone [as he eyes a bouncing set of flesh squeezing out of the bathing suit]. As she dragged her wheel barrow, through streets broad and narrow, crying cockles and mussels alive alive Ho!

Mr. O'Malley what are we going to do about the increase in electric rates?

"Become a fish monger, a surely we'll wonder, singing cockles and mussels alive, alive ho!

If Mr. Duncan were walking along the beach, he would be in a contemplative mood. There would be no song in his voice. He would totally ignore the flesh passing by, but would stop at a stranded jellyfish. "Jellyfish are composed of an outer layer called an epidermis which covers the external body surface and an inner layer called the gastrodermis," he would say to no one in particular, except maybe the tentacled creature.

Mr. Duncan, what are we going to do about the increase in electric rates?

"Between the epidermis and gastrodermis is a layer of thick jelly like substance called the mesoglea that combines with illuminating bacteria may be able to solve a small portion of our energy problem."

Now, Governor Ehrlich would be running along the beach at a pretty good clip whistling a patriotic Sousa march. He would stumble over a few children while not being able to take his eyes off a particularly voluptuous female.

Governor, what are we going to do about the increase in electric rates?

Without skipping a beat:

"Over hill, over dale, we will hit the dusty trail, as those SUV's keep rolling along!



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