The UAE with Jackson & Capote
Humor by Tom McLaughlin
Allowing the United Arab Emirates to run our ports is similar to allowing the fox to watch the hen house. Only this time, he is giving the fox the gas grill, tongs, barbeque sauce and the corn on the cob. Finally, everyone now knows he is crazy. Even the Republicans agree George Bush has one brick short of a load, so to speak.
This small country in oil land has so much money it came across a novel idea. They have pumped sand out of the sea and made an island in the shape of a palm tree. Then they built multi-million dollar condos along with a golf course to convince people to live there.
The one person who has brought fame to this small dictatorship, where women are still lead around on a leash, is Michael Jackson.
If you recall, this is place where Michael was dressed in an Arab woman's black bag as he got off the plane to his waiting limo. Press reports inform he has purchased several of the properties and plans to live there for a while; in my humble opinion, a good place for him. He can stay there with the ghost of Truman Capote, who is haunting the nation with a film nominated for an Oscar. As far as I am concerned, Mr. Jackson and the late Mr. Capote deserve each other in the United Arab Emirates.
Come on, Tom! You're a raving liberal! Truman Capote wrote that book "In Cold Blood," which paved the way for all those "Law and Order" shows while Michael Jackson taught every male how to grab his crotch during that Super Bowl game. They are great American patriots - both of them!
Okay, what is the worst that can happen? Thousands of terrorists, who speak like Mr. Capote and act like Mr. Jackson, invade our ports holding a gun in one hand? There are many, many around the Port of Baltimore who would take one look at those people and with crab mallets remove their heads ala Saudi Arabia.
Of course, the Port of Frederick would also be affected. Dhows would sneak out of Baltimore, through the Chesapeake and up the Potomac and wind their way up the Monocacy to attack the new mayor who won despite the great efforts of the moneyed people to elect a puppet. Then half crazed radio people would ding-dong themselves pushing them further into their insanity. The dhows would return to the United Arab Emirates and hold them for ransom but nobody would care.
Now that we have all decided that the ports should remain in American hands and be run by flag waving good old USA-er's as they always have.
Wait a minute! The British currently run the ports. How did THAT foreign country manage to secure a $6.8 billion deal? I mean those tea drinkers, Queen-loving, sissy-talking bunch who attacked us, burned our capitol and made us all learn that song "Fired Our Guns but the British kept a com'in something something to the Gulf of Mexico!
Fie on the British! Jobs for our people in Maryland!