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The Tentacle


June 3, 2005

Our Very Own Conspiracy Gaggle

Jason Grabill

A few weeks back my family and I were wandering around the "big" library in Frederick. While there, I always check the little table out front to see what local happenings are upcoming in our fair county. Among the bus schedules and other paraphernalia, I discovered that we have, here in Frederick, our very own wacky left-wing conspiracy groups.

Yes, shocked readers, I was thrilled to learn that, coming to a location in Frederick soon, will be a hearing of sorts, to discuss the vast, Bush led conspiracy of 9-11. You heard it here first.

For those hoping for directions, times, and exact location, you'll be disappointed, since I'm not going to give any more free publicity to this looney set. Go by the library and find it like I did.

Nonetheless, the flier tells me, this meeting will discuss the hows and whys of 9-11. (I'd go just for the laughs, but I'm otherwise engaged in serious business the day of the meetup, arranging my sock drawer and the like).

You see, these folks believe that 9-11 was planned and executed by evil minions working for the Republicans. Yep. T'wasn't our Islamofascist pals (who were really, according to the flier, in the employ of the CIA), nor was it ole Saddam (a poor dupe suckered by Karl Rove into some really bad PR), but our very own govmint that planned and executed, in the greatest secrecy, the 9-11 attacks, to advance it's own warped agenda.

I don't know how the reliably left-wing New York Times missed this one. Maybe they were too busy dreaming up new anti-military stories. I'm sure if this group contacts Newsweek magazine, though, they'll more than make up for the lack of airtime thus far.

I sure wish I would have realized this whole thing was a conspiracy of the right years ago. I would have slept much better knowing it was a plot to put Ann Coulter in charge. I won't, of course, bother with a point-by-point rebuttal of why I think this is all a large steaming pile of mulch, but suffice to say, I was at the Pentagon on 9-11, and somehow missed out on this vast conspiracy.

Ah, well, that's what I get for not listening to Air America.

I'd kind of expect this sort of thing in the Takoma Park area, or Bethesda. Those folks thrive on this sort of stuff. It gives them something to do between protest marches. But here in good ole Freddick? Sheesh!

I did a bit of research on this stuff, and come to find out, we have a thriving little nest of hard core left-wing wacko's 'round these parts. Besides the "9-11 conspiracy" fliers, there were fliers for Women in Black. No, not Mayor Jennifer’s support group, (well, kinda), but an organization dedicated to stopping violence everywhere, worldwide. A laudable pursuit, to be sure.

However, what these probably very nice ladies are protesting seems to be any use of violence by the American, or Israeli, military. Everyone else's violence, it would appear from the literature, is okay. Not officially, of course, but rather a tacit acknowledgement that the only real "violence" in the world is being done by those evil Amurkans.

If only we'd just listen to them, why, we could all be reaping the benefits of the "Great Socialist Workers paradise". Peace and light would follow us forever. (No meat eaters allowed.)

I did some research using one of the 'nets more famous search engines, and came to this conclusion based on what I saw.

We have our own Women in Black contingent here in Frederick. They basically meet once per month to protest, while dressed in black. I do recall seeing front page coverage on them, in the Frederick paper, a mournful little band of about 10 or so, protesting our removal of Saddam.

On to the others I've discovered.

Also in the Frederick paper not long ago, moveon.org showed itself to be alive, if barely, in Frederick, when a photo on the front page showed approximately six or eight folks with anti-Ehrlich signs at his appearance in Walkersville.

Now, why the Freddick paper chose to put this band of happy nuts on the front page, highlighting the woeful state of hard left activism here in Frederick, is beyond me. I didn't particularly find them all that newsworthy.

By the way, moveon.org was originally dreamed up by a bunch of hard core lefties some years back, in an effort to get Republicans to "move on," and seek other things to do, during the impeachment of one William J. Clinton, late goofball president of our fair land. They've progressed from that, of course, to various and sundry ways to raise oodles of money for hard core liberal causes, most of which Americans have rejected out of hand time and time again. Still, they are a persistent little band here in Frederick.

Lastly, our own Frederick attorney, Barry Kissin, plans a protest against that old reliable bugaboo, Fort Detrick, sometime in June. It's sort of like the changing of the clocks. "Yep, it's Spring again, time for Barry to protest." He's always up in arms about some such. This time, it's fear that Fort Detrick will make him a terrorist target.

I feel kinda sorry for these folks, out here in the hinterlands of the red county. I'm sure it's pure torture knowing us hicks out yonder on the frontier will never be as enlightened as they are. And, have you ever noticed, much of the liberals protesting is all about fear? They are terrified "for us."

Really, it's the fact they are plain, simply, afraid. We Republicans used to get accused of that all the time, back in the bad ole days of the Cold War, by these very same folk. We were "afraid" of the Russians, which is why we kept building all them 'nukler bombs.' Nowadays, it seems like it's the left who are afraid. They are scared of just about everything, and since they can't seem to convince the rest of us to be skeered of our own shadows, or vote for those who are, they remain angry, afraid, and upset.

So, folks, the next time you are feeling bored, take a walk to the Frederick library, and see what the latest conspiracy theory is here in good ole Fredericktown. I promise you, the laugh will be worth it. By the way, don't take all the literature these folks put out, I didn't, and don't. They have every right to do what they are doing, no matter how looney it may seem. Just as I have the right to call ’em as I see ’em.

Until next time, Stay low!



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