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December 10, 2006

Surfers, Hispanics and Bulldozers

Tom McLaughlin

With apologies to surfers and those Hispanics who enjoy the area under the pier; but not to the aged surfer girl.

I was appalled! Appalled! The Town of Ocean City Maryland had decided to bulldoze sand to create a dune under the pier. This is to keep Hispanics from using the area for recreation. These people do not lie out in the sun because they don't need a tan and they probably have a good idea about skin cancer.

I don't think a dune is enough. We need the place barbed wired, electrified and patrolled by slavering dogs. One Rottweiler, one Pit Bull and one Doberman on each side of the pier should do it. Also trained sharks swimming in the waves under the pier must be added in case they should swim from another area.

Like the Great Fence of Mexico currently being constructed, watchtowers must be added at night to keep vigilance. Lord knows, they just might tunnel from the border to Ocean City and emerge under the pier for the freedom of working for less than minimum wage, hired by the contractors tearing down, rebuilding and erecting new structures.

They also create a mess under the pier. All of Ocean City has seen the one diaper floating out to sea. They gathered during the occasion, rallied by anti-Hispanic forces to watch the event. Thousands swear on a Bible that this occurs every minute of every hour of every day. Then there are the coals. Somehow they manage to light a fire, roast a whole pig, consume it before the nearby Beach Patrol person, about 25 feet away, has a clue what is going on.

One aged surfer girl, who manages to steer her board between the pilings without crashing, swears the Hispanics are responsible for global warming, the destruction of the ecosystem of the oceans and will be accountable for the next pandemic. They are also responsible for every diaper cast off by their children, from disposable diapers' invention until the human settlement of Mars. Brown and Spanish are not exactly her favorite color or language.

In the raging debate between who pollutes the oceans more, surfers or Hispanics under the pier, not exactly the board riding kind, I checked the Internet. Surfers produce about 1.5 liters of liquid waste per day. Given the amount of salt water surfers consume, it's probably much more. I have never seen any surfer paddle ashore, dance around and ask someone on the beach where they can use the bathroom. Since Hispanics obviously do not consume ocean water, their production must be much less; hence the surfers are over whelming responsible for ocean pollution.

Of course, white people do not litter or cast off any debris. The beach cleaning machines that ply the 10 miles of sand from the Inlet to the Delaware line every night during the summer are a work project left over from the Roosevelt Depression era. They provide nightly entertainment for those who cannot afford the high cost of the boardwalk or other amusement facilities. They control population by scaring amorous couples off the beach.

For some California religions, they are a source of worship as the sun rises over the cabs, whose drivers are delegated as a high priest. To fight drug abuse, they allow young teens the illegal high and thrill of being dragged along the back.

President Reagan said "Tear Down that Wall." Many say to President Bush "Don't Build that Fence."

I say: "Bulldoze that Dune."


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